8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
