She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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