Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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