I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Someone came in the potted fern
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize