Dual....:-)
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
