I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize