I haven't been this sober since birth.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
