The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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