hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
