my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
