her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
