Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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