wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
