I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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