she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
