I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
