who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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