fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
