Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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