Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
