there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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