i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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