So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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