yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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