I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
