We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
