Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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