yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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