guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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