and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
