The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
