guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
