so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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