My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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