the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
