I like to think it a success when the cops are called
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
