The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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