Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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