Nicole vs. Life
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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