I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
