Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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