I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
