i need an iv and a liver transplant
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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