You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
