I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
