Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize