im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
