I want to make a zoo with you.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He passed out mid-signature
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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