I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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