Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
