If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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