i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
