every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize