oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
