gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
