Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
