turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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