I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize