K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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