I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
