4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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