I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
