Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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