Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
