I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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