Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
