ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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