I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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