i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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