we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
