I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
