last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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