his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
