Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
