Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
