i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
