I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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