evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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