Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
