I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
