dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
