tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
