we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
