those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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