I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
