At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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