I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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