She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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