Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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