is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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