getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
