ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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