dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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